One of the most seemingly inconsequential aspects of student life is the collection of water fountains plastered around the school. But a flaw with the water fountains in our school is that not all water fountains are built the same. Some don’t work at all, some barely work, and a large variety of water fountains suffer from a wide myriad of issues. It is the right of the students to know which water fountains to bother with, which is why I saw fit to rank every water fountain.

The worst water fountain is surprisingly one with cold, fully functioning water. It is the rightmost fountain of the group of three on the third floor, and ordinarily, I would rank it just below the band room water fountains, but this one suffers from one major problem that drags it down to last place. The quality of water in this fountain is questionable, as it tastes dirty. I took a sip, and my stomach hurt for the rest of the day. Coincidentally, this fountain was modified during the time frame in which this article was written. Initially, it was ranked as the second worst, as it was barely functional, but now, it is so much worse, with every sip spelling a potential bacterial infection. This issue is made even worse by the fact that it is right next to the third-place water fountain, meaning that there is no reason to drink from it.

The award for the second-worst water fountain in the school is a four-way tie between the left water fountain by room 110, the leftmost water fountain of the group of three between the two faculty restrooms on the second floor, the room 231 water fountain, and the leftmost water fountain of the group of three on the third floor. All of these fountains suffer the same problem: they don’t work. This brings us to a rather potent generalization within this ranking. While this is not always the case, the new, silver water fountains are typically better than the old, gray ones. This is likely because the old water fountains have not been tended to in a long time, but the newer-looking ones were likely installed recently enough to remain intact. Ironically, the room 231 water fountain is the exception to this rule, as it is a new-model fountain that doesn’t work at all.

Continuing the chain of low quality, we have the rightmost room 110 water fountain. While technically functional, the arc of the water is far too low for anybody to be able to drink from it. The water barely reaches above the nozzle, meaning that any sip will risk the spreading of bacteria, as more lips are forced to touch the same surface for the mere promise of hydration.

The water fountain right by the gymnasium is an odd one to rank on this list because it is broken, but at the same time, it isn’t. While the nozzle from which one would sip is completely dysfunctional, the nozzle that pours water into water bottles from above can provide fantastic, cold water. Cold water is vastly preferred, as it is much more convenient to be able to cool off after a long day of school, but with its potential being solely regulated to filling bottles, it eliminates the possibility of a quick sip, knocking it down. It’s a shame too, because if it was fully functioning, it could be the best fountain in the whole school, being located right next to the gym, the best place to be able to cool off.

Our next water fountain shares the same problem as the second worst fountains, with the problem being a severely undersized arc. Whenever you want to drink from the middle water fountain of the three between the second-floor faculty restrooms, you have to bend down significantly more than you should ever need to, making this fountain, which already possesses unfavorably warm water, one of the worst in the school.

Directly to the right of our previous entry is the first fountain I would consider drinking from. The rightmost fountain of the three between the second-floor faculty restrooms has water of a reasonable temperature, with the main problem being that it will spray your face due to the instability of the flow of its water. When I took a drink from it, some of the water sprayed on my ear, severely hindering the drinking experience. With that being said, the water was cold enough to warrant another drink in the event of this being the nearest fountain.

Next up, we have another tie between the two band room water fountains. With near-identical placement and near-identical water, there isn’t enough to give one an edge over the other. With that being said, they have good placement, being right next to the pair of staircases that will let you go from the third floor directly to the first, on top of surprisingly cold water, despite them both being older water fountains. Speaking of, these are undoubtedly the best old-school water fountains, as they are among the group of four that function properly. However, this is where things get good, as the entire rest of the list is made up of new water fountains.

The room 115 water fountain is a great beneficiary of the idea that a water fountain close to many classrooms will go far. With this fountain, you can easily get a drink from the chorus room, the Chinese room, room 115, or room 113. This versatility, combined with fantastic water easily makes this one of the school’s best fountains, with only one major problem preventing it from being in the top three of this list: the nozzle on this fountain that is supposed to fill up water bottles is a bit faulty, with a dysfunctional sensor. This fountain is only able to hold on with its great water, but it could go so much further if it worked.

Of the three fountains on the third floor, only one of them functions properly, and it is coincidentally the only new-model water fountain, complete with an overhead nozzle for the filling of water bottles. This fountain, much like all of the other newer fountains, has great, cold water, which tastes good although water does not have a taste. However, it lacks the great convenience boasted by the placement of the top two fountains, keeping it out of the top two. 

In terms of consistency, no water fountain compares to the one conveniently placed in the cafeteria. It is the go-to source of refreshment for any students who have lunch or any absent teachers, making it one of the easiest water fountains to drink from. Being in the same hallway is great, but being in the same room is infinitely better. On top of this, the water is fantastic, offering great refreshments and opportunities for filling up a water bottle. The only thing that I could criticize about this fountain is that the arc of the water goes just below optimal drinking height, but even if it lacked this issue, it still wouldn’t stand a chance against the number one fountain.

The room 216 water fountain is the realization of the full potential of the lackluster gymnasium water fountain. Being right around the corner from the gym, it is the easiest way to get a drink after a long, tiring P.E. class. This is great on its own, but it is coupled with the freshest, coldest water in the entire school. Every sip from this fountain feels fantastic, and its placement within a crossroads keeps it close to enough classes to the point where this is likely the most drinking water fountain in the entire school. There are zero major problems in this fountain; the worst thing you can say about it is that it isn’t exactly clean, but this applies to virtually every fountain in the school. This is easily the best water fountain in the school; it isn’t even close.

In the end, there are only six water fountains that I would recommend drinking from, those being the top six of the list. Out of the fifteen fountains in our school, these proved to be the best, but it shouldn’t be this way. It shouldn’t be that only six of the fifteen fountains are good enough to drink from; it shouldn’t be that one water fountain can make you sick; it shouldn’t be that some are in complete disrepair. Whether or not they acknowledge it, students need water fountains, and if they can only have six good ones, what does that say about our school?